Sean Wang Week 16 - Flower In The Dawn
Sean Wang Week 16 - Flower In The Dawn
"In carnage I bloom, like a flower in the dawn." - Khada Jhin
If a tree fell in the forest and no one heard it, did it fall?
I recently stumbled upon the written works of my fourth-grade self, surprising myself with a long-lost arsenal of vocabulary I wouldn’t even think of coming up with today. “Myriad”? Please. Needless to say, I was quite amazed, while being a tad bit amused at the same time. Before I decided to take this class, I asked upperclassmen what the benefits to taking it were. The responses were more or less the same: it made your writing “better”. Well, that was good enough for me.
Within the first official week of school, our class wrote three diagnostic essays in order to gauge our supposed aptitude in writing. Not only had I achieved a 6 on one of them (possibly the only 6 out of all the APENG classes to this date), but I had achieved it through usage of anecdotal evidence, something that everyone (including Ms. Benedetti) had discouraged me from doing. In your face, David Zhu.
Yet as the year progressed, I found myself fighting the urge to sacrifice uniqueness for consistency. My goal was no longer to improve my writing; no, the only success I saw was in keeping my grade above a 90%. My writing lost meaning, quality, and as a result, even my grade went down. Oh, the misery!
Self-doubt began to fester in the worst possible way. Perhaps I had mistaken my “talent” for a fluke.
Months passed as I slowly began to realize that writing was not as one-dimensional as I had originally imagined. I came to realize that not some, but all pieces of writing resembled a romantic relationship in one way or another. In the very moment a reader lays their eyes on a writer’s work, a connection is formed. Because at its core, that’s what writing is: the art of expression. The strength of such a connection lies purely on the compatibility of both parties, and if a reader feels that the qualities of the work aren’t to their liking, they swipe left. In such a relationship, both parties are of equal power. By allowing a CollegeBoard rubric to dictate my worth, I was confining myself to a one-sided love, one that was solely dependent on something outside of my control.
Was there a place where the playing field was truly and unequivocally leveled? Was there a place where I could confidently pit me against myself, feeling the roar of the perfectly divided crowd at my back?
As a member of my blog cohort, you all have had more exposure to my writing style than any other student. Whatever you think of it — good, bad, “mid” — frankly, I can’t do much to change that. But having the opportunity to share a piece of writing and receive interactive, thought-provoking commentary — that’s something worth taking this class for. While I surely don’t doubt such opportunities in the future, you all have been the first to participate in such a journey.
I try harder in these blog posts than in any pieces of my writing. And even though that isn’t necessarily always reflected in the scores or feedback that I get, I feel a sense of fulfillment knowing that my writing made it to the eyes of another. Thoughts, concepts, stories, it’s all there. Maybe one day, I’ll look back on the tales I crafted, as well as the memories that came with them. Won’t you?
If my writing was good and no one ever read it, was it really good?
I’m Sean Wang, and thank you all for listening. My battery is low and it's getting dark…
Photo Credits: https://wallpapercave.com/jhin-wallpapers
Hi Sean,
ReplyDeleteWow, your blog post was beautiful. I have to say, in my opinion at least, you are one of the best writers in our class. In every single one of your posts, there are streaks of your creative genius on display. Whether it's your writing on "Gambling with [Your] Grade" which sparked a cohort-wide movement or your piece which connected an anime to the blog topic of the quarter, I admire the blogging boundaries you push so flawlessly. I'm fortunate to be in a blog cohort with you.
Sincerely
Krish
Hey Sean!
ReplyDeleteI think all of us in this blogging group can agree that you are one of the most talented writers in this class. A 6 on our first timed write is absolutely INSANE to me and you should be incredibly proud of the natural aptitude you seem to posses for writing. You blogs every week continue to serve as a testament to how good of a writer you are. You consistently are able to take fairly simple, one- dimensional topics and turn in into a beautifully worded writing. More than a writing, an EXPERIENCE. Reading your writing is always like this intriguing journey and I thoroughly have loved reading your blogs this entire year now. Keep doing what you do and thank you for sharing Sean:)
I applied for a lot of writing summer programs and landed zero. However, as I reflect on the way I portrayed my relationship with writing, I realize just how naive it is. Writing is just a hobby to me—a way to record funny or well-worded shower thoughts or preserve a momentary memory. I am terrible at story-telling though. I think my style tends towards something that is better portrayed in spoken word. For my true war story, I wrote it in a way that reflected exactly what my veteran said instead of trying to put myself in the circumstances of the war. I did this because I don't want to muddle the genuinity of the story itself. If I had the time, however, I'd rewrite it with more energy and circumstance.
ReplyDeleteHi Sean,
ReplyDeleteWow, I am really impressed with this blog post. I can see the effort you put into your writing, and that is the type of writing I hope I can compare my work to one day. I understand your point that writing is not as one-dimensional as we may think. In addition to this, I also realized that everyone has a distinct writing style, but that does not mean that there is a certain which is superior to the other. Of course, on the CollegeBoard rubric for our three essays, there may be a "superior" essay which scores a 6 while another may score a 5, but that does not mean that both essays cannot be enjoyed. This class has taught me how to have multiple perspectives on my writing, from having many different kinds of assignments like a precis to synthesis essays.
Hi Sean,
ReplyDeleteI really liked your blog post for this week, especially since it feels as if it directly parallels the school year. Your blog goes and comes back in a full circle, starting with a phrase and ending with a similar one. The middle contents being about the start and end of your APENG 11 school year. I agree, that these blog posts gave us a large amount of freedom, and it would be something that I would tell underclassmen to take the class for. It allows us to show the unique sides of ourselves through the form of writing. Though it sometimes felt like a chore, I always enjoyed these posts and am glad it was something we did throughout this school year.
Hey Sean, in response to the first question, yes, the tree will still fall if no one is around to hear it because the actions of human beings are hugely insignificant to the course of nature and we are powerless to hinder it. For your last question, I'd have to say it depends on who the judge is; people are entitled to their own opinions and a writer can only think their work is good until someone tells them otherwise. I also feel that I put a lot more effort into my blogs (particularly the comments actually) and I feel that they are a lot more indicative of my writing style. With that said, I'd like to leave you with a quote: "Modesty is only arrogance by stealth." Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi Sean,
ReplyDeleteIf a tree fell and no one heard it, it still fell. Perhaps no one knew, but it fell all the same. Similarly, your writing is good even when no one reads it. Of course, the quality of writing can be very subjective and vary as it is ultimately a quality determined by the opinions of people. On another note, however, AP English Language and Composition as a class has been a very transformative experience for my writing, mostly because of the different styles we have practiced as well as the amount of practice overall. The playing field has never been level since all of our writing has been for a purpose, but our blog posts have been some of our freest works. Feel proud!
Sincerely,
Raymond Yu
Hi Sean,
ReplyDeleteAll I heard about APENG was that it was a ton of essay writing, which it really was. I really hated timed writes, but as the year progressed I got used to them, which in the end helped me in the AP Test. Like you mentioned, APENG also made my writing "better," even though I never got higher than a 70% on every essay I wrote. Also, after doing those first 3 diagnostic essay, my goal of APENG became to get a C or higher. I knew from the start that an A was impossible for me.
Sincerely,
Vivan Waghela
Sean,
ReplyDeleteThis has got to be one of the most beautiful blog posts I have ever read. I feel the same way with my writing. I remember at the beginning of the year, I tweaked the formula of the "I Believe" poem. I remember knowing that I tweaked things probably a little too much. But I was proud of it. When I got my paper back, the grade was so terrible it brought me down a whole letter. It hurts man. If I am not writing things that I like, then what is the point of writing. I started desensitizing myself from my works, writing everything for the sake of the grade. Every so often I always try and sneak in an unorthodox word or two, but I write in a way that doesn't satisfy me. I use other outlets such as poetry and blogs to help me actually use my creativity.
Yi-Kuan C.