Yi-Kuan Cheng - Quarter 4, Week 14: To Fan a Dying Fire
Yi-Kuan Cheng
Benedetti
AP English P5
23 March 2022
Quarter 4, Week 15: To Fan a Dying Fire
The memories you remember aren’t always the happiest ones. The memories that are the hardest to forget are always the sad ones. I used to dabble a bit in poetry, especially when I’m feeling particularly trapped in my own emotions. While it is a super effective way for me to vent in a way that feels less pointless than essay texts to a random person on my discord friends list that don’t really care what I’m saying, writing poetry also tends to augment the memorability of whatever I’m writing about. But here’s the kicker: I have literally never written a happy poem that isn’t hot garbage. So instead, today I will be sharing with you all a poem I wrote in the aftermath of my first heartbreak.
To Fan a Dying Fire
Oh to fan a dying fire
To fuel each flap
With memories of warmth
That the flames used to give
To fan a dying fire
To disregard the creeping hunger, frost, and fatigue,
For the feast yet to come,
When the embers re-emerge into a bonfire once more
To fan a dying fire
To stubbornly fan day after day,
Refusing to let the day before
Have been a day gone to waste
But a fire can only be fanned for so long,
Before the clouds of realization form
That things will never be the same
So let the clouds form
Let them give cover and hope
That what comes after is a rainbow
Let the winds blow
Let them sweep away the dust and ashes,
Although the scars and sores forever remain
Let the rain fall
Let me the choice to drown in the sea of regret
Or to let it float me higher
Let the storm rage
And let it smother the fire
Whose flames kill of coldness
From the warmth it didn’t care enough to give
I am free of the fire
I am free of you
But thank you
For teaching me warmth
I still have a decent amount before I meet the word count cap, so I’ll reflect a bit on the poem. For obvious reasons I won’t go into the details of the poem, but I still come back to this poem from time to time, perpetually impressed. Impressed because, despite considering myself a decent writer (exclusively creative writing, not essays), I have never been able to reproduce another work that I am as proud of as this. I am even further blown away since I wrote this poem nearly a full year after the incident. To call a middle school heartbreak sad is a pathetic overstatement. Yet, for some reason, this memory seemed to stay so deeply nested within me that I wrote so passionately about this when I thought I’d forgotten it all. There isn’t much of a particular conclusion to this entry, I just thought it’d be interesting to share one of my favorite pieces of my writing and how its very existence seems contradictory to my memory.
Hi Yi-Kuan,
ReplyDeleteI think it is really cool how you came to learn English 5 years later than most and still ended up being one of the people in my life with a more profound working of English. You should share more poems with me, it would give me something to read in my free time. Maybe we could even bounce ideas off of each other.
Regarding your heartbreak, I had no idea you felt so melancholic even a year after the incident (the first one?). Granted, I had been too timid to ask anyone about anything close to them, even when they were as close as you were to me. However, I am now a changed man. Without League of Legends tethering me to the bounds of my past self, I stand ready to climb any mountain and swim any ocean (just kidding, I hate swimming). If you need anything, just call/ping/show up at my window and knock on it until I get out of bed. Preferably with a snack.
Sincerely,
Sean Wang
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteFire is usually a metaphor for passion, so I have to ask whose passion is the dying fire. Don't answer that question, I will do it. From your poem, I get this sense that your clinging to a passion that was once there by the repetition of "to fan a dying flame." But where I am lost is at the act of fanning a flame, what was it that fanned the flames of passion that is no longer able to? I love how you transition from a metaphorical communication to one that the final stanza where you put those metaphors into context. I feel like aptly handling metaphors is one of the most difficult skills to use in short form writing. You do a really good job of creating an image in the sense that the audience can understand the weight of the metaphor immediately. I feel that something you can keep in your mind for this metaphor is building on the image of the fire in parallel with the feelings of heartbreak. In my mind, I see you sitting beside a campfire, throwing logs into the bit and watching it disintegrate while the flame barely flickers. Think on it.
ReplyDeleteI definitely do not write at my best when I'm under emotional stress. My words come out nicely in the sense that my angst just splatters onto the page, but my metaphors stretch the scope of the planet in an endless map of connections that in the end feels like a teenager's first trip on the road. From my work in the past, I get a sense of nativity—the sense that the ego of the writer is in the piece. After reading through it, I feel an arrogance that should not be present. My arrogance always derives from the elaboration of a metaphor—the writer's worldview is just too narrow to create a timeless metaphor.
Hi Yi-Kuan,
ReplyDeleteI think your poem is wonderful. I've never been able to write poetry myself, but I find poems to be one of the most beautiful expressions of meaning. Behind every word there is a near infinite amount of background, and through its reading one can steal a glimpse at its writer's inner psyche. Through your poem, I could feel your sadness but maturity to move on. And above all else, I could see that you're a kind person.
Sincerely,
Krish
Hi Yi-Kuan,
ReplyDeleteYour poem is beautiful, and I'm honestly really impressed with it. I really resonate with the last stanza. "I am free of the fire. I am free of you. But thank you For teaching me warmth." I think this sums up a heartbreak in a really beautiful way. It reminds me of letting go of someone that you had great times with, but in the end you know it's better for both of you to let each other go. This applies to friendships as well, and good job for finding a way to put it in words.
Hi Yi-Kuan,
ReplyDeleteI was never able to write good poems, that too being assignments for school. I would never write a poem at will. I knew there were poetic geniuses in this world, and after reading your poem I can say I found one: you. That poem is pretty good in my opinion, and as an APENG student it is my job to analyze poems like this (I won't talk about it here though).
Sincerely,
Vivan Waghela
Hey Yi-Kuan, I'm sure you remember from my previous posts that music speaks to me in a very deep way, and I wanted to acknowledge the fact that as I was reading your incredible poem, Dust in the Wind by Kansas started playing on my playlist (if you haven't heard it you should totally listen to it; it's such a vibe). I really wish I was joking. I really liked your analogy of fanning a dying fire; to bring it back to music, that really reminded me of one particular line from Astronomy by Conan Gray: "Stop trying to keep us alive. / You're pointing at stars in the sky that have already died." I really hope you continue to write and improve your skills with poetry; this one was really powerful. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteHi Yi-Kuan,
ReplyDeleteI think you might just be a poet. Many poets write their best in times of emotional distress and everyone has the potential to become a poet. It doesn't matter how small the problem might be in comparison to others, but only how large the problem seems to oneself. It is like asking if an ant crawling over a boulder is less meaningful than a human climbing Mt. Everest. Who has the ability to judge them?
Sincerely,
Raymond Yu
Hey Yi-Kuan!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, this was clearly a really personal topic and I love the way you talked about it and I am super glad that you were able to share about it with us. I am incredibly honored to be reading your poetry. I am honestly blown away by how "poemy" and eloquent it is. I never knew anyone our age could write that well, especially five whole years ago. You have me so intrigued and I hope to read more of your poems sometime. As sad as it is, I think we produce the best work creatively when we are the most sad or most happy (sad or angry the most). Being at the most heightened point of any emotion leaves us at our most raw and unfiltered self which easily creates the most beautiful art. We are able to tap into our creativity and emotions so much more easily when our walls are down. Thank you for sharing and good luck on your AP tests this week<3
Hi Yi-Kuan,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate you sharing this poem with us, even if it may bring back some sad or sour memories. I really like the ending of the poem, since even if you put in all of this hard work and emotion into this person and were left with a heartbreak, you found something to take away from the experience. The ending where you said this person taught you what warmth is really emphasizes the fact that you do not despise the person but are thankful for what they have given you.