Sean Wang Week 13 - shrug it off

Week 13 - shrug it off


The following is an excerpt adapted from a conversation between Sean and an anonymous party.

Sean: Want an Almond Joy?

Anonymous: No thanks, I’m allergic to nuts.

Sean: Since when are you allergic to nuts?

Anonymous: I actually developed a nut allergy over quarantine—

Sean: —because you have a slight immunodeficiency, I almost forgot.

Anonymous: How do you—

Sean: Remember when you told me about your wisdom teeth extraction about a year ago and you mentioned that you couldn’t use the general anaesthetic due to it triggering your immune response? And then you started complaining about how it hurt to the point where it ruined your yearbook photo because of how swollen your cheek was—

Anonymous: Sean…

Sean: What?

Anonymous: HOW THE HELL DO YOU REMEMBER THAT?

Sean: shrugs
. . .
All right, I’ll admit it. I’m not the greatest when it comes to remembering things I should be. My atrocious calculus grade is more than proof of that. But say the name of any one of my friends, and I’ll subconsciously blurt out something about them from a decade ago that they wouldn’t even know about themselves. If I had a quarter for everytime that happened, you bet I’d be headlining the latest issue of Forbes.

“Wow, Sean. Isn’t good memory something you should be proud of?” you might ask. Sure, most of the time, I’d find myself agreeing with you. However, I think you’ll agree with me that the bad memories tend to heavily outweigh the good ones. And, given enough time, the juices of the mind serve as a marinade for the darkest of memories, amplifying their “flavours” to unprecedented degrees.

For those of you in my previous blog cohort, you’ll remember that overthinking is one of my many flaws. There is a common cliche that always makes its way into the front of my mind: “To err is human; to forgive, divine.” Oftentimes, I find myself avoiding people for something really insignificant that they did one, two, three years ago. Maybe they bumped into me, or maybe they made a snide remark at something I did. No matter how much I keep telling myself that people are able to change, the annoying Phoenix Wright in my head continues to yell “OBJECTION!”, followed by a torrent of emotions accompanying the condemning memory. I simply cannot forgive, especially when there is nothing worth holding a grudge over. If only there was a WikiHow page on “shrugging things off”... Oh, how I envy the careless and forgetful!

Don’t get me wrong, I love the people I spend time around. I’m absolutely thankful for the experiences that I share with them. I just find it quite disappointing that the human mind is able to turn even the greatest friend into a potential enemy with just a single interaction. Both a blessing and a curse, the gift of memory is one that we are forced to rein in and control, lest it do the same to us. 

Yeah, it sucks. Doubt and aversion go hand in hand, and it really hurts to have a relationship corrupted because of a misunderstanding that stemmed from a bottled up memory. Sometimes, the only thing we need to remember is that no matter how deep they’re buried, somewhere out there, good memories do indeed exist. Focusing on those can go a long way, especially with the people closest to us.

Photo Credit: https://around.uoregon.edu/content/uo-lab-advances-research-memory-formation-and-recall

Comments

  1. DeetaMarch 24, 2022 at 7:50 PM

    Hey Sean!
    This was such a cute blog from you as usual. I love the way you find ways to tie in relatable experiences into our blog topics. It feels like reading a journal. I completely agree that memories can be both good and bad. I too don't forget things easily. This makes me a really nostalgic and sentimental person. But at times it also makes me a bitter person. I sometimes find myself missing the past or wishing certain things never changed. I do forgive really easy but I can never ever forget. It really is a blessing and curse because its one of my greatest strengths and weaknesses simultaneously. You encapsulated the way people like you and I relate to the concept of memory really well, thanks for sharing:))

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anwika PalleMarch 29, 2022 at 4:59 PM

    Hey Sean,
    Your blog post reminded me about a few interactions I've had with you in our very first seating arrangement in Ms. Benedetti's class, when we talked about our mutual middle school ventures of playing basketball everyday at lunch. This brings me back, but from what I remember, we realized that there must have been a point in time where both of us had played in the same lunch group, but never realized it. I think this is a perfect depiction of your discussion of memory, because it shows how our memory played into making us realize something that was right in front of our eyes.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Faith QiaoMarch 29, 2022 at 8:08 PM

    I don't have enough relationship experience to even give my take on looking at the good memories. I feel like things come and go for me, and the memories that were great in the moment lose its luster as soon as it's over. What you remember and wish to focus on fluctuates with your emotionality, and this concept has really just made me feel that there is nothing necessarily true about me. I can't, for the love of any god, remember anything good when my mind is in the gutter. Good things become an exception, bad things become the rule. The people, the places, the things that I have adored before, I come to hate so much in that one moment. And I know, it is dishonest, and that is not how I typically feel. In those moments, I make the worst decisions, and those moments, I've learned to keep to myself.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Sophie Minh Thy C NguyenMarch 29, 2022 at 8:27 PM

    Hi Sean,
    I was almost about to write about something very similar to what you wrote about in your blog for this week. I was going to write about the random insignificant experiences that I can't help but remember because I always thought they were funny. I also don't have the best memory but I can recall many different stories that just stuck with me for no reason. For example, the other day I told my friend how I remembered she played soccer because once in seventh grade she was arguing with her brother at the bus stop because he kicked a soccer ball that hit her ribs. I then related it to another experience I had with her and she had completely forgotten both events.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Krish ParikhMarch 30, 2022 at 2:23 PM

    Hi Sean,

    Wow, the language you used in this blog post was amazing—especially the bit how "given enough time, the juices of the mind serve as a marinade for the darkest of memories". Every week, I find myself fanboying over how creative and well written your blog posts are. Also, you are not alone in your struggles of being unable to forgive. I find myself holding grudges against people after years for some of the most petty reasons, and I wish I could shrug things off better as well. However, as time goes on, I'm sure I'll mature.

    Sincerely,
    Krish

    ReplyDelete
  6. Sierra DellenbaughMarch 30, 2022 at 5:59 PM

    Hey Sean, I believe that the mind's tendency to overreact when it comes to little mistakes from the past is just a natural defence mechanism. Even if it was super insignificant, if you were hurt by it in any way, your mind is most likely going to do all it can to prevent that from happening again. I will admit that it is very inconvenient, as I too struggle with a stubborn mindset, but in a way, I prefer to be a bit extra defensive than letting people walk all over me. Thanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
  7. RaymondMarch 30, 2022 at 8:41 PM

    Hi Sean,
    That is an interesting problem that you are facing. Memory seems to have a lot to do with forgiveness, especially in your case. I am impressed by your ability to remember. I actually face the opposite problem: I often tend to forget previous interactions, but the impression that they leave on me often remains. I often find myself disliking a person even though I completely forgot what they did. Perhaps your memory can be used to help your calculus? Maybe you can associate some equations with your friends by making them recite the equations to you.
    Sincerely,
    Raymond Yu

    ReplyDelete
  8. VivanMarch 30, 2022 at 9:56 PM

    Hi Sean,

    I remember having one of those moments with a friend of mine, but I don't remember who he was and when it happened. It is interesting how some people randomly remember the most random thing ever.

    About calculus, I don't know how but I managed to remember most of the equations we learned (obviously except stuff for related rates and definitely optimization). I guess the best way to remember them is maybe to write the ones you forgot right before the test so they stay stuck in your head. I did this for US History and it worked pretty well.

    Sincerely,
    Vivan Waghela

    ReplyDelete
  9. Yi-Kuan CApril 1, 2022 at 10:42 PM

    Hi Sean,

    This feels like one of the most relatable blog posts I have read the entire year. I also have a problem with holding irrational grudges, staying mad at someone for seemingly forever for the most miniscule bad experience. Alot of the time, I also find myself wishing that could "just forget about it and move on," but it just doesn't seem to work that way. Even when I know what I'm mad about is incredibly stupid, I still can't move on; I stay irrationally angry because I feel the damage has already been done.

    Yi-Kuan C.

    ReplyDelete

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